This week I did something unusual, I poured my heart out online. I told the truth. I admitted that I wasn’t coping very well.
I think I expected judgement, to be told to get over myself and see I had a life pretty good. Or maybe I expected no one would say anything at all as I was in a ‘no one reads what I write anyway’ headspace.
Whatever I expected, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I have seen the good in people this week. Old friends, new friends, friends I have never even met. I have seen that even in the darkest days a little light can get through. And for that I cannot thank people enough. You have sent a little light my way and showed me that there is a point to it all.
Thank you to the friends who offered coffee and wine.
Thank you to the people who commented on the blog and made me well up with your caring words.
Thank you to my husband for listening.
Thank you for not judging me.
Thank you to the Mum in the playground who outed herself as a reader of my blog and spoke so kindly to me.
Thank you for the hugs.
Thank you for the caring smiles. Even with no words those spoke to me with reassurance and love.
Thank you to my daughters for reminding me that while life is not perfect, they make it pretty close.
Thank you for the space to get my head straight.
Thank you for letting me cry.
Thank you for understanding.
I am feeling better. Talking has really helped. The anxiety is loosening its grip on me and I feel less trapped. I even went out for dinner on Wednesday evening, the first time I have been out without the safety net of Rob and the girls in a while. I still have bouts of self-doubt, but then again who doesn’t. I’m still scared. But I now see, with everything going on, I’d be crazy if I wasnt scared, not crazy because I am.
Knowing I can talk about things, that has changed everything for me. Taking has saved me for heading into a very dark place.
Thank you all so much for listening. You have helped more than you could ever know.